Do you love the color turquoise? Me too! Unfortunately, one of our favorite colors, the color of the Caribbean Sea (which is by the way where I am blogging from right now) has been unjustly and unforgivably oppressed in the world of fashion by none other than the foulest fascist of them all: Lane Bryant! The beauty that paints the substance that covers most of our planet has been exploited and turned into the eyesore that “that horrid store” calls a dress, hanging like the repulsive rag that it is on a hanger that has become the jewel on this display! After the appalling misuse of this aqua color, you are assaulted once again with whitehead like droppings consuming the entire surface of this ankle-length ridiculous rag. While at Lane Bryant, my eyes tried desperately to run away from this thing, but tragically were torpedoed with the out of place ruffles that hung slap in the center of the chest. For a split second my mind contemplated, “why would anyone want to play a practical joke on the piquant provocative points?” There is zero funny about our bodacious boobs looking like nothing more than pudgy tasteless pierogies without the stuffing. Even more distaste is added to this drape when they pin a bib-like looking material atop the neckline, for which there seems to be no purpose except to ugly-up their customers even further. What serves even less purpose is the seam found at the midriff and finally this disgrace – what Lane Bryant calls a “dress,” is finished off with narrow straps covering the shoulders. Please people, do not displease yourselves by wearing this or anything that sports such unattractive features for any figure!
